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kay2neo
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Name: Kristin
Gender: Female
Interests: Movies, Sports, writing, reading, children, toys, Harry Potter, Magic, astronomy
Expertise: all things ... yes ... i said it ...
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
AIM:  blazzingkay
Member Since:
4/2/2004
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| So today I was given a very valuable lesson. The lesson was, to just stop trying to control everything.
I'm in a position right now where I need to know schedules and locations so that I can make sure there is complete crew for this film. But the producers can't get me the schedule. So, when I can't get enough crew, yeah, I'm the one in trouble, instead of them. Isn't that great.
Then I was told by the bf that he couldn't get me today. Ok, we danced around until I finally called him to ask why. Like it was so fucking hard to tell me right in the beginning. But he couldn't apparently. Then he made more promises about friday and I unleashed on him because he makes these promises and then breaks them so effortlessly. I'm caught between being a considerate gf and being a complete pushover. It's frustrating to be out on this line and not know which side you belong on. Do I just let things slide with him, or do I stand up for me. Why am I forced to even think I need to stand up for me? Is this how things get after time? He just continues to put others things before me, then I either bend or fight back? And I don't want to have to schedule a meeting between the two of us just so we can see each other. Next thing you know, we are scheduling when we are going to have sex. This is harsh and I don't know what to do.
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| So, I talked with him yesterday, and guess what? I was right. He wasn't brought up the same way that I was. But i did let him know that I'm at this point, and waiting for him to get there. He told me that there was a lot of time that he didn't get to spend with his brothers because of him in the navy and he never wants to happen to him what happened to his parents and their siblings. He is also starting to get sad about his brothers eventually moving to different states. It didn't occur to me until now that he was originally willing to move to California if I needed to. But that would be him going away from his brothers. Dilemma for him I think. Whatever....all I can say is that I want a fucking job...like now. It sucks for me to not have a job at all. I don't do well with nothing to do on purpose. | | |
| I doubt anyone reads this anymore. Which is fine to me, it just allows me to open things up.
Is it right that I feel this way? To feel that he means more to me than I do to him? I don't know. His actions speak louder than he does, that is how I feel that maybe this statement is true. I would blow everyone off to be with him.
I was brought up in a family that believes that your significant other should be more important than your family eventually. That is just how it is. You are starting your own family, and as such, they should mean more. Not to say that your siblings and parents and family shouldn't mean the world to you, just your partner is higher. Just how it is. I'm not sure this is the way he feels. If he wasn't brought up this way, then I'm going to have to fight his love for his family the whole time. People can fight for only so long before they say it is either not worth it anymore or get so exhausted they disappear.
Erica says I should give him time. But the time that I'm giving him is also making my own thoughts grow larger. He hasn't given me everything that he is. I can feel it. What is he waiting for? Why is he holding back from me?
Lord knows that this kind of conversation is going to be serious, and that is a struggle in itself with him. He never wants to have a serious conversation. It's worse than pulling teeth right now. Its a fight just to get him to sit down and talk about things. He acts like a 4 year old. And it's not helping.
I like the fooling around that we do. It's healthy to act like you want to when you want to. No one should ever forget to act like a kid. But at this stage of the game, you should also be able to turn around and be in a serious relationship. We said we never wanted to play games, just say what you are feeling straight out, but if you can't get serious enough to sit down and listen, then what's the point?
What's the point....
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| That feeling
that long lasting feeling
it never goes away
relief is not an option
Some say torture
yet unfelt beauty
unexplainable in words
yet the eyes can speak alone.
A voice in the darkness
a presence to ease the pain
an emotion to change two lives
yet one word
so small
explains so much
love
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| We are in trouble. Trouble in the good sense. I know most people reading this are going to be like, "Aww, she in the start of a new relationship and have no idea whats going on." To which i will heartily reply, "Shut up about things you know nothing about." We are really into each other. And apparently, we have looks we give to each other which are tell tale signs that we are thinking about how great each other is. I saw his recently, dear god it is the most attractive look I have ever seen. It's not one saying, I want to jump you right now, or as erica says "I want to take your clothes off with my teeth" but more of just reveling in the moment and enjoying the view. We'll see how things go here. But as far as I can tell, we are in for some massive loads of trouble. | | |
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